Combatting Grumpiness: Strategies for First Responders

This is Dr. Jana Price-Sharps with Mind Pilot. Thank you for joining us today. Today, we're going to talk about what do you do when you're grumpy?*INTRO SONG* Maybe you're headed home or you're at work and everything is irritating. You. And no matter what anybody says to you, it's the wrong thing. And you find yourself wanting to say very snarky, snarky, nasty comments to people. And what is the fallout from that? So the first thing is when you find yourself feeling that way, take a step back and figure out why you're feeling that way. A lot of times it's fatigue. I have found that a lot of times people in public safety, first responders, you're not getting enough sleep. And so that makes everybody pretty cranky. And so part of it is if you have a chance, take a nap or make sure that night you get some better sleep or you're really paying attention when you can to get some extra sleep, because that really tends to drive people's mood. The second thing is maybe you haven't eaten. A lot of times people get very busy and they forget to eat, so get some decent protein into your system. And that really doesn't mean fast food hamburgers. So figure out something that's healthy for you to maybe it's a protein shake. You know, it's something that is going to help, you know, stabilize blood sugar and make you feel a little bit better. So that's another option. The third thing is maybe your burnout, and this is a huge problem with first responders burnout looks like it can look kind of like depression. People don't want to go to work. They don't want to talk to anybody. They're mad at everybody. If you're a police officer, you're mad at everybody that calls in and wants your help. If you're a firefighter, you're mad at people, you know, wanting services. If you're an EMT, same kind of thing. If you're in the military, you're just you're just tired of everybody. You're tired of what you're having to do every day. And so there's a lot of kind of negative self-talk that goes with this. Like, this job is stupid. My supervisors are stupid. This whole place is idiotic, you know, And and with a lot of cuss words in between that. So if you're finding yourself dreading going to work on a regular basis, you're kind of hating everybody at work, you're hating your job, you have a couple options. One option is you quit the job and go and get a different job. That's not always a great option, especially when you have bills to pay. So it may mean you start thinking about how to retrain to get a different job. You know, maybe you need to go back to school. Maybe you need to, you know, apprentice with somebody. I don't know. But, you know, don't just stay stuck in a job that you hate. But let's say that you've always liked this job and suddenly you're not liking it. Maybe over the next or the last six months, three months, a year, whatever it is, why don't you start looking around and see what you do like about the job? Maybe you take a three by five card and write down things that are good about the job. And I understand that sometimes it's Well, it pays well. Okay, that's great. But the problem with money is it only gets you to the bottom for it doesn't give you happiness and it just allows you to buy food. It allows you to get the things you need to to survive. So you might really start thinking about what are some other things? Do you have a lot of freedom in your job? Do you have a flexible schedule? Are you kind of your own boss in most cases? Do you feel like you're doing something worthy, that you're helping the community? What are some perks that come with your job? Maybe have good insurance, Maybe you have a good amount of time off. I don't know what it is, but sit down and really think about why did I start this job to begin with and what are some things that maybe I can focus on when I have those days where kind of everything is irritating me that starts to shift around burnout. But the other thing is you kind of take breaks. You just have to, you know, and a lot of times I find that first responders, I work a lot of overtime and sometimes it's mandatory. I get that. There's nothing you can do about that. I understand that. But sometimes you're working overtime because you're avoiding home. And then guess what? Home gets worse because everybody's missing you and they're frustrated and they never see you. And then you go home and they're frustrated. And then the arguments start and then you go back to work because you don't want to deal with it. The problem is, the longer that goes on, the worse it gets. So a lot of times it's taking those vacations, taking that time off, taking some time to do something fun for you, not just for the family, not just for your spouse, your significant other, but for you. When was the last time you went, I don't know, golfing or fishing or I don't know. You went to a painting class or you did Pilates. I don't know what's fun for you, but think about what could be fun for you and do that. You know, if you have three days coming up, maybe you take 4 hours and just go hiking or do something that's going to bring you pleasure, because that really does help combat burnout. Burnout is when you've done too much for too long and your mind is just tired. So when you start pouring clear water back into that brain, then it just kind of refreshes everything. And what your clear water is is probably different than mine. So figure out what brings you pleasure, what brings you calmness? What brings you some happiness and make sure that you're focusing on that. And the next thing is maybe you're unhappy. And at home. And that tends to make people very grumpy. We know that a lot of work problems stem from things not going well at home. So figure those things out. If there's problems with your relationships, get them dealt with, don't avoid them. Don't take more overtime shifts, figure out what's going to make that relationship better. Is it a communication issue? Is it you're not around, you know, what is the issues and get them fixed or at least get them addressed. So why are you grumpy? Now, the second thing when you're grumpy is you need to really think about what is it you're going to do? You know, if you're having three days off and you're in a bad mood, that's probably not the time to go to a really crowded I don't know, amusement park with a whole bunch of kids running around screaming, No, maybe that works for you and maybe that's enjoyable. But I have found that a lot of first responders, what that does is tend to amp them up and make them even more irritable. And now they're mad at everybody and everybody kind of has a bad time. So you might really think about, okay, I know that I have a lot of adrenaline in my system. I know I'm cranky. Maybe I need to send my significant other a text and say something like, I'm on my way home. I've had a really hard shift. You know, I I'll help out with, you know, dinner and the kids. But then can we just sit and watch a movie and I just need to chill out tonight. Something along that line, number one, it kind of gives your significant other or your spouse kind of a heads up. But number two, it also sets the stage so that as soon as you walk in, what we have found is first responder significant others or wives or husbands, they are very good at listening for a tone of voice. And so if you walk in and you're cranky, the first thing they say is, what's a matter? And then typically all of you that are first responders say, I'm fine. Now, that person that loves you and knows you knows you're not fine, So you just kind of set a white lie. And now they're going to spend some time trying to dig it out of you, which is going to make you more angry and then it just turns into this huge fight over nothing. It's much better to say, you know, I just had some tough calls. I'm tired, I'm wiped out, and I just need to rest my mind tonight. So could we just watch a funny movie or something and and kind of set the stage so that they know what's going on with you as well? It doesn't mean you have to tell them about the bad calls. It doesn't mean you have to go through the grizzly details of what you've seen. But it does mean you need to communicate and the third thing is try and make a plan, you know, So if you know that you're going to have a really hard shift and you're going to have a bunch of overtime and you're going to be really tired, then maybe that's not the time to go on a three day trip to go see your in-laws. You know, the more you can plan with your significant other or with your spouse, the more successful you're you're going to be. And you need to say things like, Look, I know that I'm going to do two days of overtime. I am going to be thrashed when I get done. Maybe the next time we have I have, you know, three days off or whatever, we can go see your parents. But right now I know if I go, I'm going to end up snarky and it's going to be miserable, you know, or maybe you go and see them and I stay home. I don't know. But it's not something that I can do right now. Make a plan. You are the best problem solvers we have in the entire face of the universe except for yourselves. And so you need to come back inside and make a plan and think about, okay, what can I do that will make my family's life better, but also, what can you do to make your own life better? You get to have a happy life. You get to wake up in the morning and feel good. And if you're not waking up in the morning and feeling good, and if you aren't having a happy life, it's up to you to change it. It's not up to anybody else. You're responsible for your own happiness, as we all are. And so figure it out. You're good planners, but you got to come back inside and go, Huh? I wonder what's going wrong in my life and I wonder what I need to fix. So anyway, I hope this was helpful. The next time you're grumpy, actually think through why you're grumpy and make a plan. Figure out what you need to do and I hope you have a wonderful rest of the day. Thank you for joining Dr. Jana Price-Sharps on Mind Pilot and don't forget to subscribe. Have a great day.