Are You Angry or Just Exhausted?

This is Dr. Jana Price-Sharps with Mind Pilot Today we're going to talk about anger*INTRO SONG* because that seems to be. Something that a lot of first responders struggle with and well, the main reason you struggle with it is most of you are really tired and exhausted. A good portion of the time and also you have a lot of adrenaline. In your system and cortisol and both of those chemicals drive your brain. To look for the problems. So we talked about in one of the episodes running hot. So part of an anger management issue for most first responders is you get used to running really hot with a lot of adrenaline. And again, you're not going to notice it because that. Is your norm, that is your homeostasis or the way you're used to functioning. So you don't notice it anymore. The problem is, is still driving your behavior. But the other thing that happens is, you know, have you ever had. A new recruit come in? And the new recruit says something like,“I want to save the world”“and help people and do all these wonderful things.” So tell me what happens. Does everybody go, “Oh, good for you” Or does the hazing begin? Usually I have found the hazing begins. It's like, yeah, well, you wait until you're on this job and blah, blah, blah, and it's terrible and kind of that very negative thought processes that. Tend to happen when people are first responders. For quite a while. You see a lot of negative. You see a lot of things that other people don't see. You get called in to take over. On one person's bad day, or maybe the worst day of. Their life. And you may get called to many, many. Many of those calls in one day. So you see a lot of stuff and it builds up over time. So here's the problem. What do you do with that? What do you do with. A system that's running hot? That's exhaust it. And that has seen too much over too long a period of time? Well, there's a number of things that you can do and we're going to talk a lot about those things in during Mind Pilot. But the episodes. But the thing is, you have to really think about. How hot are you running and that means you have to start paying attention to your body. Now, I know that we teach you not to pay attention to your body. I get that because when you're on a bad call or in a critical incident or a bad fire in the middle of a firefight. You don't have. Time to really think about how your body's doing. But afterwards you do and so there might be some things that as you're going home or you're going back to a place where you're not in the middle of a crisis. How is your body doing? How is your mind doing? Is your mind irritable? Are you angry? Are you frustrated? Are you tired? You know what is going on? It's important to check in with yourself again. Are your shoulders tense or your jaws tense? Is your stomach irritable? You know, there's so many different symptoms that tells you that the adrenaline is still pretty high. And still working. A lot of times people will get sick to their stomach or vomit. They might have irritable bowel, they might have all kinds of physiological responses to too much adrenaline. So when you're running to. Hot and then you go home and you're still running hot, then your spouse says something to you, and it could be something that is very well-meaning, and it just makes you rage, and then your spouse says something like, Quit yelling at me, and then you explain how you're not. Yelling at. Them and then. It escalates and then you have a miserable evening. So here's a couple of things. That you can do. Before you go home. Take a minute and take 5 minutes. Sit somewhere in your. Vehicle and. Listen to some comedy. Listen to some. I don't know, motivational speaker. Listen to something that is just easygoing, Put on some happy music, look at some. Really happy pictures, not the pictures of the trauma you've seen. Okay. Do not pull out pictures of the last auto accident you responded to. Please, you know, pull out a picture of a forest that you hiked in or the last time you went to the beach and you had a great time with your family. Let your system cool down. I have found actually the fastest way is comedy. But there are a lot of other ways you can shut your eyes and just let your mind calm down. You can use some relaxation techniques. You can do all kinds of things. But before you walk into. That house at night or morning. Cool that system down. So when the person that you love or your kids or whoever is in your life walks up and says something to you, don't blast them. These are a lot of times later you go, Why did that happen? What are we even arguing about? What? What's going on? And a lot of times it's because you're running too hot. I tell people, do time and distance. If you're starting to get irritated, walk away and don't walk away with some kind of snarky remark. Okay. In other words, you might say, you know what? I'll be back in a minute. I, I have to run to the restroom or I need to go get something from the car or find an excuse. Walk away for a few minutes and get your system cooled down, then reengage. You don't go to the car and get something and think, You know what? When I get back in there, I'm going to blast her and I'm going to say this and I'm going to say this and I'm going to say this. No, no, no. You go to the car and you go, “You know what?”“I'm sure she didn't mean it”“the way that sounded or he didn't mean it the way that sounded.”“What could I say that will start this off”“on a on a good fit rather than blasting her?”“What can I do differently?” And usually if you give yourself five or. 10 minutes, you can recalibrate. You can't wait, though. Until you get on a really hot burn. In other words, you can't do it when you're really, really angry. It's going to take a lot longer to cool your system down. So make sure that you don't let yourself get there. But if you do get there. Then you really need to do time and distance. But you're going to have to do a longer period of time. You know. I really try and live by that old adage, If I. Don't have anything nice to say,“Shut up and go take a walk, Jana.” Because otherwise you end up apologizing in the end up hurting people that you really love. And you know what? They don't deserve to be hurt and also it tends to make them respond in anger. Then they say hurtful things and then it's just a mess. So I tend to try and take those mental breaks. Now, do I do it perfectly? Nope. I'm a work in progress, just like everybody else. But I really do try and do that. Those mental breaks are very important. So the other thing you need to. Realize is that when you're tired, you're much more likely to be angry. If you've worked long hours, you're much more likely to be angry. If you're not sleeping well, you're much more likely to be angry. If you're getting sick. You're much more likely to be angry and if you've had a really. Hard day, if you had a lot of bad calls or a bad week. Or for some of you a bad month, if you've had some bad times and you're much more likely to respond with a rage response. So take care. When you know that you've had a bad day or you haven't slept well or whatever. Be on a little more alert. Go. Okay.“I know I'm much more likely to snap,”“you know, today and say something snarky or something mean.”“So I tell you what, you know, I'm going to when I get home,”“I'm going to go mow the lawn” or I'm going to go do something that gives yourself a chance to de-escalate. You know, sometimes I'll text my hubby and say,“hey, you know, I'm on my way home.”“I've had a really long day.”“Can we just watch something funny on TV tonight?” And that kind of gives him a. Clue of this is not the night to talk about, I don't know, our taxes, you know, or whatever it is. You know, this is a night to just chill out and have a good evening. So that's the other thing that you might want to do is kind of preplan it. You know, and if you can do that with your spouse or significant other, that's a great idea as well. You know, but sleep and I'm going to keep saying this to you. Sleep is so, so important. That, again, is where your brain heals. That is what makes people feel better. And when they start sleeping better, they find that their mood starts normalizing. They're not angry all the time. They're not agitated all the time. But to sleep, you actually have to cool the system down and so part of that is sometimes caffeine consumption. What are you doing before you go to bed? You know, how hot are you running? When's the last time you slept well? When's the last time you took a vacation? You know, there's all kinds of things that blend into sleep. But if you're not sleeping well, we're going to have a whole program on sleep, and we'll talk more about that. But realize sleep really does impact mood and impact temper. You know, but the other thing. Is. Really pay attention. To your self-talk. If you're on the. Way home and you're saying things like to yourself, you know, “She better have this done or he better have this done” or “That better been taking care of” or, you know, if you're getting yourself amped up before you walk into the house, you're going to walk in with an edge. They're going to feel that edge and then it's going to lead to a fight. So on your way home, how about you start thinking about what you love, about the person you live with or you're married to? You know what? Why are you still there? What is it that they do well. You know, when was the last time you had fun? And remember that fun time? You know, and. And start shifting your mood into. Oh, man, I'm excited to get home because I really love this person rather than they better have done this and this and this and this. So really, really. Think about that self-talk, because that will reduce anger issues and fights and arguments and that kind of thing. And you know, the other thing is build your life around some fun. You know, when you you know, when you're talking to your spouse or significant other. Plan for a date, plan for a night out. Reconnect with that person because it's much easier to weather the tough times when you have good times. If you only have tough times, pretty hard to weather those and people start getting resentful and angry and and so make. Sure. That you're building in a fun life as well as a work life as well as I've got to, I don't know, clean up the yard kind of life. You've got to have some fun. Fun is so healing, but so many people, that's the last thing on their on their list. They do all the shoulds first and then there's no time for the fun. You know, I'm not saying you put fun first all the time, but you've got to have some fun. So listen to the episode about running cooler. That'll help as well. I hope you're finding this helpful. Thank you so much for joining Mind Pilot. I hope if you like it, please write us. Please subscribe and I hope you have a wonderful day. This is Dr. Jana Price-Sharps from Mind Pilot.