The Fine Line: Fixing vs. Listening

Good day. This is Dr. Jana Price-Sharp's with Mind Pilot.*INTRO SONG* Oh first responders. This is going to be a tough one. So prepare yourself your job if you've been in the military or if you've worked in any kind of capacity as a first responder. You have spent an inordinate amount of your life trying to fix other people. It might be working on them medically. It might be taking them to jail. It could be doing all kinds of different variations of that. So let's talk about when to fix and when not to fix. If you're at home and you're talking to your two year old, you can fix that. If you're talking to your spouse or significant other, how about you shifted from fixing to saying something like this can be hard. Hang in there with me. What if you say, are you asking me for advice or do you need me to just listen? One of the things I do love about first responders are they're people that want to get stuff fixed. They want to.“Here's the problem”“and what do we do about it? Okay.”“And this is what we're going to do.” First of all, not everybody is built that way. But secondly, people may have an idea of how they're going to handle it, but they're wanting to discuss it with somebody without necessarily having a bunch of feedback. So figure out if you have a friend or you have, you know, somebody you're romantically involved in a relationship with, ask them, What are you wanting from me? Do you want me to help you <font color=#CF9FFFFF>fix this</font>? Do you want me to give you <font color=#CF9FFFFF>feedback</font>? Do you want me to <font color=#CF9FFFFF>just listen</font>? I know it's hard. I know it's hard because you spent every day of your life helping other people, fixing other people, talking to people about what they should and shouldn't be doing, giving people orders. But that is just causes so many problems when you get home because your significant other may not be a person who's also a first responder. Now, if you happen to be in a long term relationship or married to a first responder, then you have two people that are trying to fix each other and now they're getting mad at each other because the other person isn't doing what they're telling them to do. Again, people are going to do what they're going to do. Ask them, Is there anything I can do to help you? What would be helpful right now? Do you want to just go watch something funny on TV? Do you want to talk about this? But what can I do to help support you? It's a tough one. And you know what? When your kids get a little bit older, it's the same kind of thing. Obviously not for the five year old. Not maybe not even for the ten year old. Most of the time, 15 year old. 20 year old. Yeah. Take that step back and say, I can see you're struggling or it seems like you're struggling. Is there something I can do to help? That's probably going to be one of the hardest things I'm ever going to ask you to do, because it's contrary to all of your training. As a first responder or veteran. It's contrary. It's contrary to what you do for a living. What you've had to do for a living. And so I know it's difficult, but when you do that, sometimes it even opens up the space to where they go. You know what? I do want your opinion on this. Sometimes you may not know what they're thinking, and they've already come up with the same idea that you are thinking about, but they're very come up with it on their own. So take that step back. Realize you don't have to fix everybody when you're off duty, when you're not being deployed, when you're home. Take that deep breath and go, okay, how can I help? So start fixing. Take the step back. Take those deep breaths and listen by giving orders. And just listen. When you're at home, your family life will be so much better. It's hard. Probably one of the hardest things for my first responders. But if you'll do it, I guarantee you home life will be so much better. You have the right to have a happy life. You have the right to take care of yourself. You also have the right to have downtime. And if you're trying to fix everybody, you don't have downtime. I hope you have a wonderful day. This is Dr. Jana Price-Sharps from Mind Pilot. Don't forget to subscribe.*OUTRO SONG*