Mission-Critical Grace

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Good day. This is This is Dr. Jana Price-Sharps with Mindpilot. Today we're going to talk about giving yourself grace.

Professional Standards vs. Personal Self-Criticism

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And what do I mean by that? You know, the jobs that you do, there's not a lot of wiggle room for mistakes, right? If if you make a big mistake, people die. So it's really important to get it right on the job. The problem is when you live every moment of every day like that, when you get home, you're on your downtime, off time, there is a tendency to be very critical of yourself. And so it's one thing to self-evaluate at work. It's another thing to rip yourself to shreds at home. So when are some times that you need to give yourself grace? And some of that may be on your downtime,

Overcoming Perfectionism and Learning from Mistakes

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some of it actually may be at work. We're never going to do everything perfectly, ever. We can strive towards that, we can work towards that, but it's never going to happen fully. And so if you've made a mistake or you wish you would have done something differently, you can't go back and change what you've done. What you can do, though, is you can self-evaluate and figure out okay, what do I need to do to make sure that never happens again, first of all. And secondly, allow yourself to be human. Understand that you're going to make mistakes. Understand that you're not going to do everything absolutely correctly, in part because none of us do everything correctly, right? You may not say things in the exact tone that your significant other would like you to say them in. You're never going to do exactly everything that you want to do at work absolutely perfectly. So there are times where you have to take a break and realize that maybe you need to back off yourself a little bit, plan for the future, but don't beat yourself up for the past. Now, if it was an intentional thing you did, that's a little bit different. You know, maybe you really screwed up and you knew you were going to screw up and you did it anyway. Okay. Yeah, should you take yourself to task for that? Yeah, probably. But how do you do that? Is it moving you forward so you don't do it again? Or are you just trashing yourself? Sometimes you have to give yourself some grace even for the mess ups that you knew was a mess up at the time you did it anyway. Sometimes you have to take that step back and go, wow, okay, I really screwed that one up. And hmm, I really wish I hadn't done it that way. However, in the future, if this ever happens again, this is what I'm going to do instead. Lesson learned, hard lesson, maybe, sometimes. Maybe it was a lesson that cost you your job, or maybe it was a lesson that cost you a relationship. But at the end of the day, you can't change the past. You can learn from the past. You can learn from your mistakes, what you did or said that you wish you wouldn't have. But you can't change it. So move it into the future. Move it into what would I do next time? Even if it's a situation that's never going to happen again, the brain needs to know that you have a plan. So this isn't going to happen again. So think through it and go, okay, God forbid, if this ever happens again, this is what I'm going to do. So that your brain can begin to let it go. So many people just rip themselves to shreds over and over and over. And all that does is beat yourself down, make yourself miserable, you get more depressed, more resentful, more angry. Don't do that. Don't do that. Give yourself some grace, figure out how to make sure you don't do it again and move forward. That's all you can do.

Healing and Setting Boundaries with Others

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You get to heal. And sometimes we have people in our lives that keep bringing things up over and over in a way that keeps us stuck as well. And I would encourage you to set boundaries with those people. If you've done something wrong, okay, so you did something wrong. Life goes on. You need to make a plan of how you're not going to do it again. You need to make a plan of how you're going to fix it moving forward if you can fix it. But don't allow somebody to keep berating you. If they're berating you, then you need to say something along the lines of, I've apologized to you. I am sorry that I did it. I've made a plan so it never happens again. But at the end of the day, I can't change the past. I need to move forward from this. And if we're going to stay together, if it's significant other, if we're going to stay together, you're going to have to figure out how you can move forward as well. And if you can't, then we probably need to have a different discussion. But it's not okay that you keep bringing it up to me because I can't change it. I've apologized for it. I've made a plan to keep it from ever happening again. But I can't fix it. Set the boundaries. Okay, that doesn't mean you get mad or, you know, scream at them. But set the boundary. Because at some point you get to heal. And if they choose to heal, which I hope they do, then they get to heal as well. And if they choose not to, that's a choice they make. It's not a good choice, but it's a choice they're making. So think about

Extending Grace within Relationships

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that. Think about giving yourself grace. And also, if you are in a long-term relationship, think about giving the other person grace as well. Because you know what? None of us are perfect. Not one of us. Nobody has the right tone all the time. Nobody makes perfectly good decisions at all times. People just don't do that. We're human. Now, if the person keeps doing the same thing over and over, then I guess I'd ask you, why are you still there? If that person has done it over and over and over again, they've made no plan to change it, to fix it, okay, then why are you still there? But if the person's made a plan to fix it and to change it, then figure out a way to move on. Give them grace as well. Because no one is perfect. And you know what? That's okay. That's okay. Because we're never gonna be perfect. If you find the perfect person, I want you to call me and introduce me to that person because I've never found them. So give yourself grace and for those you love, give them grace as well.

Choosing a Happy Life

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I hope you can heal whatever is going on with you. Allow yourself to heal. Because you have the right to have a happy life. You have the right to wake up in the morning and feel good and feel happy. And I truly hope you choose that. Thank you for joining us today. This is This is Dr. Jana Price-Sharps at Mind Pilot.