Honoring Memories: A New Approach to Holiday Grief

This particular podcast is about the holidays. And this is an important topic for many people for a number of reasons. Some people don't like the holidays because it reminds them of losses that they've had. Sometimes it reminds them another year is going by and maybe they're not happy. There could be a number of reasons people don't like the holidays. This year, I want you to consider reframing the holidays. If you have lost somebody, I would encourage you to do a book of life this year. And what I mean by that is get a binder of some kind and start putting pictures in that binder. Put funny stories in there, comments that that person made. Things that you loved about that person. On the actual day of the holiday, take that binder out and write a story about one of your favorite holidays with that person. Make it about remembering that person's life rather than feeling the terrible loss. Grieving is important for sure, but your brain has also been made to shift that grieving to remembering. And that's a process. It's not always an easy process, but a lot of times the Book of Life will really help that process because it refocuses your mind on the things you loved about that person. And depending on what you believe, hopefully you'll see that person again because they've gone on ahead of you. It is important to think about how you view the past and how you view your losses. You really do get to decide how you view them. I know that sounds odd, but framing and reframing are both very, very important aspects of dealing with your own brain and how you frame those losses. How you frame those concerns. Those heartaches are going to be really important for how much you can heal and how you can feel better. Sometimes people get stuck in grieving because they feel like they don't have the right to move on in life because they've lost somebody. And so it's almost like they see that person back there rather than going on ahead of them. And when you see that person back there and if you start to feel better, you're leaving them behind. That is a very different way of framing things than realizing that person has gone on ahead of you. And no matter what you believe spiritually, that person has gone on ahead of you and you can debate where they went or what happened with them. But at the end of the day, they've still gone on ahead of you. And so you still get to have your life. You still get to enjoy your life. You still get to have happiness. And that's not a betrayal to that person. That's a good thing to do. And if that person loved you, then that's what they would want you to do as well. They wouldn't want their life to just stop. They would want you to enjoy life and so honor their memory. Remember them. Consider a book of life. But don't stop living because you've lost somebody. Find the time to enjoy those people that you do love. Be in the moment with those people that you care about. Be grateful for the many blessings that you do have. Don't focus on the things that you don't have. Spend this holiday season rejoicing for those things that you're grateful for. You have the right to have a happy life. You have the right to be happy. So take care of yourself. Consider doing some reframing. If you need to write a letter to that person. If you miss them, But at the end of the day, realize they've gone on ahead of you and depending on what you believe. Perhaps you'll see them again. You take care and God bless. This is Dr. Jana Price-Sharps